Alone & Suffering
by Spnalways
Summary: Y/N had been suffering from depression for a long time, rather than show the pain and take it out on herself she puts everything into hunting and getting revenge on the monsters that killed her family. But will the boys notice Y/N overkill on the monsters or chalk it up to just enjoying hunting as Dean does? How will the boys react when they find out the truth?


_**Please note i also have an account of A03, where this is also posted. I go by Supernatural96 on there. Enjoy**_

 **(One Year Ago)**

Sam and Dean were investigating a case a couple of hours away from the bunker. Over the last few nights, couples aged in the 40's had been found dead with their hearts missing. The boys first thought was werewolves, so off they went to investigate. Their first stop was at the local Sheriff's station.

"Sheriff Logan, I'm FBI Special Agent Smith and this is my partner Special Agent Johnson. Were here due to recent murders, specifically the couples missing their hearts." Says Dean.  
"Glad you're here fella's, I'm kinda stumped on this one to be honest first time I've ever seen anything like it and I've been on the job for 20 years." Said Sheriff Logan.  
"That's why the FBI sent us over Sheriff we've seen a few things like this before, now what can you tell us about the victims?" Askes Sam. After to talking to the local sheriff and not getting very far, they learn of a witness who saw the most recent murder Y/N L/N.

 **Y/N PVO:**

I can't take it anymore, you thought to yourself. You had suffered with depression and anxiety your whole life, only a few weeks ago did you think you were starting to feel a little bit better, than you had for a while, that was of course until your parents were killed right in front of your eyes by something you thought never truly existed. Now here you were sitting on the bathroom thinking of cutting yourself to relieve some of the pain. You had thought about cutting in the past, but were never able to cross the line, but now why shouldn't you, everything you had was gone, your parents were the only family you had, the only people you loved and that loved you. So, what was the harm now, you were just about to grab the razor you kept hidden in the cupboard under the sink when there was a knock at the door. Sighing you got up and went to the door.

"What?" Y/N asked as she as opened the door to revel two handsome men dressed in suites.  
"Y/N L/N. I'm agent Smith" said Dean "and this is my partner agent Johnson with the FBI, we hoping to ask you a few things about your parent's murder."  
"Sure, why not! Let's relive my worst memory, together shall we?" Y/N said sarcastically.  
"Miss L/N, were not trying to make things harder for you, we just need to understand so that we can catch who did this" explains Sam.  
"Ok, so you're telling me you know how to kill werewolves?" says Y/N with a straight face. "Werewolves?" Says Dean "Yup, and by the look on your faces, this isn't abnormal for you, which means firstly you're not really FBI and secondly the fact that your pretending to be leads me to believe that your hunters. Am I correct?" Y/N stands there watching their faces drop in amazement.  
"How do you know about any of this?" Askes Sam "Well, Agent Johnson and Smith which I guarantee aren't your real names. I didn't know anything about the 'Supernatural' as I guess you would call it. That was until I saw my parent's heats being ripped out of their chests by a werewolf. Which by the way I have since come to realise that probably everything that has a legend behind it is true." Seeing their faces, you quickly add "Look, I'm not some pathetic little girl, who's oblivious to the world I tend to notice more than others and researching is like second nature to me. So there now you know what it is for sure. Go kill it and leave me alone."  
"Sorry Y/N, you're right firstly I'm Sam Winchester and this is my brother Dean and yes we hunt monsters."  
"Well, good for you, now if you'll excuse me I have to pack a bag and get going." Y/N replies.  
"Wait, where are you going?" Asks Dean  
"Well Dean, not that its any of your business, but seeing as I have no money, no job and no parents, I can't afford to stay here, so I'm going to grab what I have and get going somewhere." "Don't you have someone you can stay with?" Asks Sam. "No, I don't. So, boys it was great to meet ya, but you can leave now" you say opening the door. Hastily the boys walk out the door, Sam glances back at you, just as your shutting the door.

 **SAM/ DEAN PVO:**

"Well, she's a feisty one!" Says Dean walking towards the Impala, getting in Sam adds "Seriously Dean, she just lost her whole life." "Whatever, lets go gank these werewolves." Adds Dean.

 **Y/N PVO:**

Finally, their gone you thought. Well I better get packing, heading to your room you packed all your essentials and a few things you couldn't leave without including your mothers necklace and your fathers favourite gun. It'd funny your dad never used his gun, only having it in case we needed protection, but he showed you how to use, to make sure you were always safe and now that you were going to be on your own, it might just come in handy. Grabbing the last few things off your bed you seized your bag and headed off into the night.

 **SAMS PVO:**

We'd just finished killing the werewolves and disposing of their bodies, heading back to the Impala to make the long trip back to the bunker. We'd been driving for maybe 2 hours when I could see someone walking along the side of the road. I quickly noticed the how tired and cold that person seemed. Pointing out to Dean I said "Should we see if he/she ok?" "Really Sam? We can't pick up everyone you see." Said Dean. "Seriously Dean, it's freezing out there maybe we could just see if they need a lift." "Fine" Said Dean seeing that Sam wasn't going to give up anytime soon. Slowing down, Dean rolled down the window and asked if you were ok and needed a lift.

 **Y/N PVO:**

I heard a car coming up behind me, I thought about asking for a lift but I really couldn't be bothered to care, sure I was frozen to the core and depressed beyond belief, but I felt like this was my price to pay for being alive. I didn't expect to hear the car slow down beside me or have someone ask if I was ok. Lifting my head, I saw those same green eyes I saw earlier. "Dean, Sam?" "Y/N" they said back in unison.  
Sam got out of the car, now at a complete stop, coming over to me he asked "What are you doing out her? It's freezing and in the middle of nowhere." "Just walking" I replied my voice barely noticeable over the wind. "Can we give you a lift somewhere?" Dean asked. Shaking my head "No it's fine, plus I don't have anywhere to go, so for now I'm just going to keep walking." Lifting my bag higher on my shoulder preparing to start walking again when Sam says "Look Y/N I know you don't really know us, but why don't you come back with us, at least until you figure out where you want to go." Sighing you figured you didn't have anything to lose, even if these people were crazy well maybe you'd see your parents again. "Ok, for now, thanks." You said. Sam took your bag and put it in the trunk after opening the back door for you to hop in.

 **(PRESNT)**

That was one year ago. Since then you learned about everything that goes bump in the night as well as how to fight it and more importantly how to kill it. Both Sam and Dean were amazed at how quickly you picked all this up not to mention how good you were, although Dean would never say that too you.

During the time you stayed with the boys you found yourself falling in love with the younger Winchester. He was incredibly sweet and kind, not to mention crazy smart and god was he hot. It wasn't long after you had joined them did you actually start hunting with them, and you were good, scary good. Dean and Sam wondered when you first started hunting with them whether you just wanted to make sure the monster you were hunting stayed dead, but over time they seemed to recognise how much you enjoyed killing. Dean didn't have a problem with this, believing you enjoyed it just like he did, but Sam grew concerned. A few months later after a partially nasty hunt involving a shifter, you all got home to the bunker when Dean said "Y/N, are you okay?" "I'm fine why wouldn't I be?" you replied. "Well, its just, you know you don't have to load a whole clip into the shifter, one does the job." "I was just being thorough you said "Y/N" it was Sam's turn now "You've been acting like this for months and it's well, overkill." "I'm fine, plus you wouldn't understand" you replied whispering the last bit, hoping they didn't here. Unfortunately for you Sam did "what wouldn't we understand Y/N?" "Nothing" you said "Look I'm going to bed" making your way down the hall, you could hear Sam following behind you, calling you. You couldn't do this, not now. You took off running the rest of the way to your room before closing the door and locking it behind you.

Throwing yourself on the bed curling into a ball, pulling the blanket on top of you, you began to cry. You heard footsteps coming towards your room, quickly you placed a hand over your mouth hoping whoever it was wouldn't hear you crying. Next you heard a knock on your door followed by "Y/N its Sam, please open up the door and talk to me." Ignoring him you pulled you blanket over your head. You heard Sam sigh before walking away. This made you cry harder, the voice in your head telling you he doesn't actually care that's why he walked away, you're not good enough for him anyway, why would he want you, your fat, ugly and pathetic. You were so lost in your dark thoughts that you didn't even hear that Sam had come back with a pick lock.

 **SAM PVO:**

Opening Y/N door I came in to see her lying under her blanket crying. I walked up to her, sitting on the bed next to her I felt her stiffen and the crying stop. I pulled back the blanket so I could see her face. "Y/N" I whispered. It was killing me to see the girl I was in love with was in so much pain. Ever since I meet Y/N I've been falling in love with her, she is so smart and beautiful, her researching skills are the best I've ever seen and she's just as good a fighter as Dean if not better.

"Y/N, talk to me sweetie". "Go away Sam" "No I want to help you." "Why, why in the hell do you care?" Y/N asks. Well I guess its now or never Sam thought "I'm in love with you Y/N, that's why I care, so please tell me what's wrong."

"No, you can't love me" say Y/N "I'm not good enough for you!" Slightly shocked I look at Y/N "What? Of course, you are Y/N, you're amazing, beautiful and smart. I'm worried about you Y/N." "Sam" Y/N responds. "Please tell me, what's going on Y/N." "Fine" Y/N says "You and Dean want to know why I hunt the way I do, it's because hurting them, the monsters, it stops me from wanting to hurt myself. I have suffered with depression my whole life, I almost gave into cutting and hurting myself the day we met, I felt like I didn't have another option, another outlet. So, when the chance to hunt came it gave me a different outlet, something to help with all the pain. That's why I hunt the way I do, because if I didn't I'd be hurting myself instead."

"Y/N, you could've talked to me I would've understand I would've tried to help you." Claims Sam  
"I didn't want you to know Sam, I couldn't bear the idea that you would hate me or think less of me, that would've killed me." Y/N says. Grabbing Y/N hand I say "I could never think less of you Y/N, I'm in love with you and I'm going to help you though this, you're not alone." "Sam, I'm... I'm in love with you too." Says Y/N. Leaning down I gently rub my hand over her check before kissing her on the lips. Pulling back, both of us breathing hard I say "Y/N I love you so much and I'm going to prove it to you every day."

So your life wasn't easy, you don't believe it ever would be, but with Sam by your side maybe, it would be just a bit easier to manage.


End file.
